What am I here for?

I just got back from church — physical church. It’s crazy how that distinction is very relevant in 2020. How much life has changed in the eight months since a pandemic was declared in March. One of the biggest things I remember from the months leading into 2020 is not having a clear plan for this year and how that bothered me so much because I am a planner — even if i do not always follow through (story for another day) I feel some level of comfort in having a plan written out for the year, broken into quarters and months. Anyways, I went to physical church today and the Pastor talked about how we manifest the anointing of God on our lives and how we must stick to what God has called us to do. The question that kept ringing in my head is “How do I discover that calling?” I know this is a loaded question because everyone would like to discover their ‘purpose’ or ‘calling’ and it always seems like it continuously eludes us — me. So after the sermon, I walked up to my pastor (we have a fairly great relationship) and I asked how to identify that calling that I so desperately seek. And his response was somewhat reassuring — God reveals your calling to you at the right time and through the right medium.

Since I embarked upon this journey that is adulthood, I have always been plagued by this strong desire to discover and Identify my purpose and it always seemed to elude me. Especially since I have been blessed with multiple talents to the point where I feel like I can do so many things if I to my mind to it. But I do not want to do so many things, I want to do the one thing that God has called me to do, because, ultimately, I am on here for a reason — God’s reason. Not to fulfil my own desires or motives. Dare I say it, if there is no purpose or calling for my presence on Earth, I honestly do not want to be here (no I am not suicidal, i’ll explain) If there is anything 2020 has shown me, it’s how evil and dark this world is. Life is hard, it has a lot of sorrows, masked with distractions like movies and social media that cover the reality of the darkness in this world. I believe in Heaven and I believe that I have been saved by Grace through faith and that I will get to heaven when my time on earth is done but sometimes I wish I could just leave this dark place behind and just go and be with God. But that can’t happen because I am not here for me, I am here for God.

So for anyone like me who has a strong desire to discover what their calling is, below is the revelation I got today that brought me so much peace.

RELAX, God will reveal your calling to you at the right time. Just keep doing what you’re doing and seek God first. Abide in Christ — spend time in his word and you will get your answers.

Life is not black or white, you can’t create a manual for navigating through life. Just seek God’s face and he’ll show you each step you need to take and when you need to take them.

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