Goodbye Letter #1

2020 started with a bang — interview with a top tech company, my dream come true! Everything was falling into place, I would move to that new city, start that new job and life would be beautiful! But then I didn’t get the job — after long series of interviews. I did not move to the new city — after mentally detaching myself from my current city. And worst of all, a pandemic hit! It almost seemed like life as I knew it was coming to an end.

And thats when you came around. At first it was just little worries here and there that didn't really interfere with my thoughts or mental well being. Then it gradually grew into full blown attacks. You made me feel like the world was crashing around me. You lied to me about people around me, making me feel like they were against me. You made me hate myself so much that I thought no one would care if I left this world. You made me feel like I was worthless, useless, unproductive and unfruitful. You were so bad for my mental health. Every day with you felt like I was dragging a ton of bricks around my neck and no matter what I did, I just couldn’t shake you off. I had to seek help, professional help because I got to the end of myself trying to fight you on my own. I realized that the reason you never left is because I didn’t let you go. I held on to you because you seemed comfortable — I found safety knowing that I had something to worry about, something to weigh me down — some sort of shield from reality. But now I know that you are definitely no good for me, I deserve peace and joy. I deserve to be happy. And I will be all that I deserve to be without you.

So today, I am saying goodbye to you, Anxiety. You have been with me for the most of 2020 and I do not want you in my life anymore. You have gravely overstayed your welcome. You have brought me down to the lowest of lows to what felt like a dark abyss but I found strength to fight you off. I do not need you in my life anymore. I am reclaiming my life, my mind and peace. I am rebuilding myself and taking back all the things you’ve stolen from me. I release you from my tight grip — go and do not come back.

I would say thank you though, for making me stronger. Thanks for showing me what self-love actually means and for showing me how to fight for myself. Because of you, I take my physical and mental health care very seriously. So thanks for making me fall in love with me.

I hope you understand why we must go our separate ways, never to return to each other again.

Yours Sincerely,

Efe